This past Sunday I received a piece of unsolicited advice
that admittedly, caught me off-guard at first listen.
But, things take a little time to sink in, settle, and absorb,
and I realize it was one of the more valuable observations delivered to me... maybe ever.
I was invited to a Sunday supper in a beautiful, sun flooded, airy home
with a backyard and fresh cut flowers on every table.
My fellow dining companions were all strangers to me, save for the friend who extended the invite.
The company was lovely, the food delicious and the conversation easy and engaging.
It was as we were shifting from drinks and hors d’oeuvres to dinner,
that I was counseled on the energy I emote.
Gently, it was expressed that I convey the perception that I have one foot in California,
and one foot back on east coast soil.
That I am not fully present here because, well, part of me is there.
I have always been vocal about my emotions and experiences
moving across the country and being far away from family and familiarity.
image is my own
But I suppose recently, and more frequently, I have felt a stronger tug towards the Atlantic.
What surprised me though, was learning the impressions people developed about me and my mindset,
when I communicated these feelings.
I wasn’t aware of the transparency of my expressions, because I am not sure my mind- or my heart- are caught up with the words tumbling from my mouth.
Hearing this observation was enlightening because,
although I am candid about my belief that I will go back east at some point,
I didn’t realize it led people to think I wasn’t fully committed to my life out in California.
I want to be here. now.
I want to be present,
with two feet planted firmly to the ground,
where I am right now.
I regret that I haven’t been projecting that, but grateful to have been made aware.
I have been feeling in limbo as of late.
Unsure of what is to come, frustrated with the things I can’t control, exhausted by the weight of the unknowns. And while I don’t have power over many of these worries,
I can manage how I embrace the wonders of every day,
and every delight-
no matter where my feet may be.