Wednesday, June 20, 2012

A Little on My Mind, as of Late

My plane touched down last night to a calm and quiet California coastline.
I love the drive from the airport back home in the still of the night.
Even on the highway you can hear the waves of the bay lapping up against the rocks.
Paradoxically, the ride from Manhattan out to the airport leaves me feeling very blue.
 I usually spend this trip staring silently out the window,
 watching the city on my right shrink smaller and smaller against the skyline.
It’s like saying goodbye to someone you love, with no set plans to reunite- the worst kind of heartache.
Last night, it felt tremendous to turn the key, push open the door, and walk back into my apartment.
By the week’s end in New York, I was ready to come home.
(West Coast home Dad, if you’re reading this.)
I slept the entire flight- and actually most of the cab ride to JFK-both very rare occurrences for me.
I guess after a week back east there was no more party in me, and I succumbed to a still and quiet slumber.
In books and in movies people often struggle with the notion of loving two people at once.
But sometimes...sometimes I ask myself,
‘Is it possible? Is it possible to love two places at once?’
 ‘Does one’s heart have the capacity? The depth and the space to accommodate such devotion?’
Whenever I leave New York I feel a pit in my belly, like I swallowed a stone.
I feel like stammering out of the cab window,
‘It’s not you, New York! You did nothing, nothing wrong.
 It’s me! I’m all mixed up inside. Please, please don’t forget me.’
And steady as she is, New York opens her arms and embraces me-- each and every return trip I make.
No judgments.
No questions.
 Just a fond and understanding hug.
I am grateful for the patience and affection.
But sometimes it fuels my guilt for leaving.
image unknown 
While New York is like the old love that will always take me back;
San Francisco seems to be the city I just can’t seem to shake.
Bennett croons he left his heart here, and I think mine is very much understanding the appeal.
Life out West is a perpetual Never Never Land.
 It’s a cool older brother and ‘the one’ you hope never gets away.
It’s James Franco and a dream.
San Francisco and me?
We’re having a grand old time, coasting along and hand plucking adventures,
just as one chooses oysters a la carte.
The things I’ve accomplished in my life that I am most proud of?
Well, those have happened here, mostly.
That’s quite a mighty confession, I know.
I’ve done a lot of growing up. Conquered a lot of fears.
Plus, it smells really, really good here.
Like juniper and eucalyptus and honeysuckle all the time.
So I don’t know.
I’m either a really good candidate, or not cracked up at all, for love affairs.
Because this here and there mumbo jumbo can take quite a toll on this crimson heart of mine.
Maybe  one day, on one coast, the romance will fizzle,
but until then…
A life in love and limbo is what I lead.

First Day of Summer

“And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, 
just as things grow in fast movies, 
I had that familiar conviction 
that life was beginning over again with the summer.”
- F. Scott Fitzgerald,  The Great Gatsby 
Kennedy Family, August 1963 
Happy First Day of Summer, friends!
Wishing you beach breezes, 
warm nights spent under the stars,
campfires and s'mores and firefly catching. 
Speak soon.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Happy Anniversary to Me

Two years ago today,
I tilted my compass west and set out for San Francisco. 
My dad observed that my last six months have probably been my best.
I don’t know if that’s because I’ve hit my stride or what exactly,
 But I think he might be right.
Regardless of the these past six months, or the past 24 months and counting,
it’s been redwood tree hugging, mountaintop climbing, and pacific ocean gazing ever since. 
 image is my own; Sonoma sunset
There have been countless lessons and blessings along the way,
but the one I’d like to share with you is this:
Fill your days with chance taking and adventuring seeking, 
and I promise you- you'll live a life free of regret, and full of wonder.
Here’s to allowing your heart to guide the way.
Happy weekend, friends.