Lessons From the Night Sky

My dad was visiting this past week; it was so fun having him here.
His trip was impromptu, and I didn't plan much, but we ended up doing  the coolest thing.
Every Saturday of a New Moon, Mt. Tamalpais hosts star gazers to check out the night sky through the astronomy club's telescopes.
This past Saturday was a clear, cool night
and eventually twilight started to give way,
and the stars began to pop.
We climbed a ladder to a giant telescope and saw a star mass-
a big cluster of millions of stars swirling around the sky.
We were shown a star that had burnt up and died -
leaving a hole in it's middle, clouded in a light blue hue. Sad.
We saw Scorpion's tail -
a constellation only visible in the summer months.
We peered through two different telescopes
to catch a glimpse of Saturn.
It looked like a little video game icon, but you could clearly see it's rings. Awesome.

We traced the outline of the Big Dipper and paused to stare at The North Star.

 Did you know, The North Star holds steady as the entire northern sky rotates around it?
I think that's so romantic. And amazing. That mighty North Star.

Waiting for the stars on top of Mt. Tam
Every few minutes, the astronomers would step in and readjust the lens and positioning of the telescopes.
So much movement, both in the sky and on earth, the stars and planets easily jump out of view.

My dad and I were speaking with one of the astronomers as the telescope was realigned,
and he said something that really struck me.
He remarked that we know so much about the ground we walk on,
and yet, the sky remains a mystery to so many people.
Rarely, do we ever look up.
And we should!
 Because it's the same sky up there, night after night.
If you ever feel a little lonely, take comfort in the fact that there is familiarity up above.

The same old smattering of stars, to help guide you on your way.
I thought a lot about this the remainder of the weekend.
There are so many things I am excited about in my life right now...
but simultaneously, these things bring confusion.
And there are variables that cloud my view.
It's hard to navigate, and I wish I had the patience of an astronomer.
But sometimes, just  like with the telescope, you have to let things settle a bit
before you can see what your looking for with a clear eye.
Happy star watching, friends.
xo

Hindsight

The past few weeks were tremendously challenging for me.
I felt like my brain had been hijacked.
I couldn't manage my thoughts, or articulate my feelings.
I couldn't possibly know, or convince myself, that things would be okay.
I couldn't find the right words to express my emotions,
and for someone who gains solace from writing,
this was probably the most frustrating challenge of all.
I'd smile and shrug and try my best to assure my friends and family
that I believed them when they'd tell me
that everything was going to work out.
I tried to convince them I accepted the notion
that when one door closes another will open.
At the time, I didn't.
But the power of hindsight is pretty incredible,
and now I can breath the deep sigh of relief
I was wishing for every night before bed.
With challenges, often come lessons.
And the exercise of looking backward
reveals the learnings of those lessons.

image is my own
On a surface level, the challenges of the past three weeks
alerted me to the changes I need to make
related to how I manage my budget,
and rebuild a nest egg, and all of that grown-up,
logistical mumbo jumbo.

But really, the more impactful revelation from weeks past is the following:
That all my gentle heart requires
is to be surrounded by people who are kind, 

who are sincere,
and who are well-intended.
That's all I ask.
And I'll do my best to make good on
weeding out the weasels from the winners; I promise.
I choose to see the good in everyone.
I believe in the benefit of the doubt- likely to a fault-
and I would never compromise that trait within me.
I'm proud of that.
But now more than ever,
I appreciate the notion that good things happen when you surround yourself with good people.
I now subscribe to this philosophy professionally,
 but this lesson also applies to my personal life.
Here's to a fresh start in February,
new adventures ahead,
and the power of hindsight.
xo

A Case of Cold Feet

I've got a case of cold feet. 

Which is a funny phrase when you consider it, 

because I actually feel really hot and a little bit itchy and all the time sweaty these days. 

I'm confused and not sure about anything anymore.

  I thought I knew what I wanted to do.

But now I'm really not so certain. 

I came out west at a time when I was craving adventure,

longing for change,

and dreaming of a shift in pace and scenery.

San Francisco, cool as ever, 

kind of tossed these things my way, real casual and nonchalant.

Well I took the bait.

image is my own; Big Sur

And all of a sudden I feel an overwhelming

desire to live out a life of Hemingway and Kerouac proportion adventure. 

I keep getting all choked up and panicky

and on top of picking away nearly all of my left eyebrow,

I've developed a habit of scratching at an itch that doesn't even exist on my neck.

If I'm being honest,

I'd say I'm about 50/50 moving forward with this move right now.

The trouble is, it's already been decided upon.

But... I have yet to sign that transfer paper due weeks ago.

Just like a compass that has lost it's way,

my head and my heart both went kind of cloudy. 

They're trying so hard-

 to tap back into that magnetic pull,

and find a way home.

xo

Happy Anniversary to Me

Two years ago today,

I tilted my compass west and set out for San Francisco. 

My dad observed that my last six months have probably been my best.

I don’t know if that’s because I’ve hit my stride or what exactly,

 But I think he might be right.

Regardless of the these past six months, or the past 24 months and counting,

it’s been redwood tree hugging, mountaintop climbing, and pacific ocean gazing ever since. 

 image is my own; Sonoma sunset

There have been countless lessons and blessings along the way,

but the one I’d like to share with you is this:

Fill your days with chance taking and adventuring seeking, 

and I promise you- you'll live a life free of regret, and full of wonder.

Here’s to allowing your heart to guide the way.

Happy weekend, friends.

xo

Two Feet, Planted Firmly

This past Sunday I received a piece of unsolicited advice 

that admittedly,  caught me off-guard at first listen. 

But, things take a little time to sink in, settle, and absorb,

 and I realize it was one of the more valuable observations delivered to me... maybe ever. 

I was invited to a Sunday supper in a beautiful, sun flooded, airy home 

with a backyard and fresh cut flowers on every table.   

My fellow dining companions were all strangers to me, save for the friend who extended the invite. 

The company was lovely, the food delicious and the conversation easy and engaging. 

 It was as we were shifting from drinks and hors d’oeuvres to dinner, 

that I was counseled on the energy I emote.   

Gently, it was expressed that I convey the perception that I have one foot in California, 

and one foot back on east coast soil. 

That I am not fully present here because, well, part of me is there.

I have always been vocal about my emotions and experiences 

moving across the country and being far away from family and familiarity. 

 image is my own

But I suppose recently, and more frequently, I have felt a stronger tug towards the Atlantic. 

What surprised me though, was learning the impressions people developed about me and my mindset, 

when I communicated these feelings.  

 I wasn’t aware of the transparency of my expressions, because I am not sure my mind- or my heart- are caught up with the words tumbling from my mouth.

Hearing this observation was enlightening because, 

although I am candid about my belief that I will go back east at some point, 

I didn’t realize it led people to think I wasn’t fully committed to my life out in California. 

I want to be here. now.  

 I want to be present,  

 with two feet planted firmly to the ground, 

where I am right now. 

I regret that I haven’t been projecting that, but grateful to have been made aware. 

I have been feeling in limbo as of late.   

Unsure of what is to come, frustrated with the things I can’t control, exhausted by the weight of the unknowns.  And while I don’t have power over many of these worries, 

I can manage how I embrace the wonders of every day, 

and every delight- 

no matter where my feet may be.  

The Checklist I Didn't Know I Had

This May, at month's end,

marks two years I've been out west.

 And you really wouldn't believe all the adventures I've had.

All the things that I've seen, and all the things that I've done,

that I know may seem just plain old ordinary to most people,

but you see,

to me- they've been extraordinary.

I buckled my feet into skis,

and I ran my first race.

I shucked oysters, pulled fresh from the bay.

I filled weekends hiking longer and farther then my legs knew they could climb.

I was accepted as a member to a board which supports an incredible cause.

I sniffed and I swirled and I tasted wine fit for a king.

I have stopped and seen seals bobbing up and down in the bay.

image is my own

 I witnessed whales gliding majestically through the pacific.

I've met interesting people and devoted friends. 

I allowed my heart to guide the way, 

and, er, in one instance, my head may have been too far in the clouds.

I have felt scared, and anxious and sometimes lonely. 

But... Ive also experienced joy, and pride 

and the overwhelming sensation of pure satisfaction,

for a job well done

for a fear conquered

for turning disbelief into reality

for challenging my mind and pushing my body

for making the smallest 

and simplest pleasures 

special. 

xo

To the Water I Go

I am a believer that the following things have powerful healing powers:

The sun, the water, and animals. 

When I need to clear my mind,  I almost always find myself setting out towards the water.

 It is a subconscious reaction when I feel overwhelmed. 

Earlier this week, I set off towards the water.

It was dusk, and a quite hush was rolling into the city off the bay.

Twinkling lights of the night began to pop up along the horizon,

and buoys gently bobbed  themselves to sleep.

I stood on the water's edge, and I looked out past the bridge.

Mindful to steady my breath, slow down my heartbeat, settle my thoughts.

I allowed the sound of the lapping water to calm me down,

and when it felt like enough, I began my journey home.

 image is my own

It was on my walk back, past the boats tucked into the marina for the night,

that I heard a playful splash.

I stopped and I watched and sure enough,

a little baby seal was splish splashing among the docks!
I was mesmerized, and couldn't help but think
the little guy was there and doing this, just for me. 
I stayed and watched the seal for a twenty minutes or so,
until we both seemed to decide that it was time to go.
I headed back up the hills of San Francisco,
calm and happy and
hopeful to wake up to sunshine in the morning.

Living in a Snow Globe

Last week, I had declared that standing at the top of Lyon Street Stairs,

and peering out over this beautiful city, all lit up and stretching to the bay,

was equivalent to looking into a snow globe. 

All the city lights twinkled below me as I stood atop of the city,

steadying my breath and seeing it's condensation mix with the cold air of the night. 

I have started on a new workout routine,

which is proving to condition my spirit as much as it is the body.

It is as much a mental challenge as it is physical.

Last week, after my session ended, 

I opted to walk home in the cool, dark of the night.

image unknown

It was a slower stroll, as I walked down from what felt like my perch  on the top of the city. 

Walking the city at night is one of my simplest and purest pleasures.

It is so peaceful, my walk of silent solitude. 

I steal glimpses into windows,

exchange smiles with  dog owners out on a brisk evening stroll. 

There is a softer glow cast onto the sidewalks in the evening.

It's well after dinner, but not quite time for slumber,

and the type of light softly spilling out from windows and into the street

reflects this phase of the night.

Everyone is settled into their places, calm and rested.

And I realize, it still feels like a snow globe, even on street level.

 as the swirls of snow and glitter come to stop, so does the frenzy of the day.

Happy snow globing, friends.

xo

 

The Great Christmas Tree Hunt

This was a weekend of highs and lows.

Sometimes that happens, I'm old enough to know.

I'm lucky enough that the good outshined the not so good- by a landslide.

I pulled a cable car for a cause,

and felt the spirit of the city pulsing through my veins with each tug on the rope. 

I picnicked with friends in Golden Gate Park,

and let the December sunshine warm my back.

Sunday brought the grandest adventure of all.

We fled the city and embarked on the great Christmas Tree Hunt.

Tree strapped to the roof of the car, 

we left the farm and journeyed to the grand finale of the day,

 wine tasting high in the rolling hills of the 'burbs. 

When I spoke with my dad to recap the weekend,

he challenged me to just relay the 'highs.' 

And when I see them here on the screen, 

I appreciate the exercise he had me do.

The weekend ended with a lighter heart,

and that makes all the difference.

xo

Whiskey and Gold

Go, west young friend.

California's full of women, whiskey and gold.

Well, that's what the country songs say,
but whatever it may be, the winds of the west 

whispered in my ear and yanked at my heart.

And so, it was a year and a half ago I came out to Northern California

for equal parts adventure and comfort.

The new kind of comfort you only feel 

when you're very far from the actual comforts of home. 

I love my San Francisco life. 

image 

But...there aren't many days that go by when I don't think about 'back east.' 

As I pack up my suitcase for my holiday travels home tomorrow,

I already know almost exactly how each and everyday will unfold. 

That's the actual, familiar comfort.

A friend of mine here in San Francisco told me today:

"Safe travels and enjoy every moment. 

Home misses you...but San Francisco deserves you." 

Well said, sweet friend. 

xo

Secret Movie Premiere

I'm a sucker for any marketing gimmick,

(which is somewhat ironic considering I'm a publicist)

but last night instincts didn't fail me.  

Like puddy in Paramount's hands, 

my friend and I took our chances and rsvp'ed

 to a secret movie premiere at the Kabuki theater in San Francisco.

We didn't know what the movie would be, only that it was being released later this year

and that the director, along with an award winning actor

would be on-site to answer questions after the viewing.

I was convinced halfway through our Sapporo beers as we waited to gain entrance

that we were going to be forced to watch silent Japanese porn,

but luckily I was proved wrong.

Jason Reitman and Diablo Cody decided to skip the festival circuit and instead,

premiere their newest collaboration secretly,  in five cities across the country.

A little actress named Charlize Theron joined them.

The movie was Young Adult- set to release this December.

I fully endorse it.

And not just because I have an

 unexplainable crush on Jason Reitman after all of this.

It's dark.

And just as depressing as I found Up in the Air to be.

Jason and Diablo said it best: if we came expecting Juno, 

we would be in for a rude awakening.

It's smart and dark, and has moments of hilarity.

I pretty much had second hand embarrassment throughout the entire movie.

And we all got exclusive to our city movie posters for taking a chance on the secret premiere

Oh, and Charlize Theron is suuuuper skinny in person.

xo

R & R

I've been quite busy.

Dreaming the days away

and watching the sun sink into the bay.

I've been hiking the hills and watching navy pilots fly.

Petting piglets and pygmy goats, and anticipating true love.

image is my own

And while the nights are getting cooler back east,

and leaves are turning green to gold,

our Indian summer in San Francisco lingers on.

So, I ask you to pardon my pause.

It's time for a little R & R.

xo



How the West Won My Heart... A Year in the Making

Today marks one year of Emily's San Francisco Adventure.

If you told me a year and a day ago

 that I'd be packing my bags

and moving out west,

I'd never believe it.

Even as I type this, I am shaking my head.

 

There is still a bit of disbelief lingering within this east coast gal's mind.

I am overwhelmed with emotion at this one year anniversary.

Honest to goodness, my heart is so full,

sometimes I think it might burst.

There are a whole heck of a lot of emotions bouncing around in there!

I have made this crazy city my home. 

Complete with all the idiosyncrasies

I never thought I'd allow myself to develop here.

But things are nestled in their proper places.

Books have been read, and meals prepared.

Trinkets have gathered dust, and then been polished.

Curtains hung and plants nurtured.

Tears cried, and smiles have sprung into belly laughs.

And guests. So many guests have visited

and stayed within these walls I now call home.

When wanderlust bit me in the behind,

I grappled with a move that felt so monumental.

Could I do this? Was I brave enough?

Just give it a year.

You can do anything, for a year.

That was the pledge I made with myself.

The pact I told my parents and sisters.

The promise I whispered to my friends.

And here it is...

Snuck up on me like the smell of lilacs in the breeze,

and salty spray on your lips from a boat on the bay,

and a crush that turns into accidental and unexpected love.

Snuck up on me like all those things that catch you by pleasant surprise. 

Moments that evoke instant nostalgia, even as they are occurring.

I don't know how long I'll be here.

But I'll know when it's time to go...

My gut will have a little check in with my heart.

I think that scale of measurement must be how the settlers knew when the west was won.

And so, many a' hearts were left in San Francisco...

xo

* all photos are my own; a one year glimpse at my California abode!