I've got a case of cold feet.
Which is a funny phrase when you consider it,
because I actually feel really hot and a little bit itchy and all the time sweaty these days.
I'm confused and not sure about anything anymore.
I thought I knew what I wanted to do.
But now I'm really not so certain.
I came out west at a time when I was craving adventure,
longing for change,
and dreaming of a shift in pace and scenery.
San Francisco, cool as ever,
kind of tossed these things my way, real casual and nonchalant.
Well I took the bait.
image is my own; Big Sur
And all of a sudden I feel an overwhelming
desire to live out a life of Hemingway and Kerouac proportion adventure.
I keep getting all choked up and panicky
and on top of picking away nearly all of my left eyebrow,
I've developed a habit of scratching at an itch that doesn't even exist on my neck.
If I'm being honest,
I'd say I'm about 50/50 moving forward with this move right now.
The trouble is, it's already been decided upon.
But... I have yet to sign that transfer paper due weeks ago.
Just like a compass that has lost it's way,
my head and my heart both went kind of cloudy.
They're trying so hard-
to tap back into that magnetic pull,
and find a way home.
xo
Hi Em! I thought I'd comment since I felt a lot of this post while visiting you. I dont have any answers but know that your heart took you out west and I think your heart will take you home - and whether "home" means staying in San Fran a little longer or coming back east in December, you'll be happy either way. I think a decision will relieve a lot of the pressure. And "re-entry", as mama stroup puts it, is never easy. To more adventures! And growing back that eyebrow ;-)
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