Always on My Mind...

"If this [points to heart]

is empty,

this [points to head]

doesn't matter."
-Dicky Fox, Jerry Maguire-
I'm just...
trying to figure some stuff out.
The truth is; 
 I've been dancing till the stars turn dizzy,
but all the while in the back of my head
I have this one pulsing thought.
It's constant-but not nagging.
In fact, over the months I've tamed it to be more of a dull, glowing ember.  
And before that's all it was.
It was just a thought. Just a few words that were put out into the universe
and I should've seen this coming -but I didn't.
And now the levy of time has grown tired and impatient
and there are real, definitive choices I am being pushed to make.

image is my own
 Can I be honest?
The thought- this one particular pulsing thought-
 is always, always on my mind.
And...
and even though on most days I have to hold my hands over my mouth to stop from shouting,
'I am living the best life!!!'
(because er, that might come across as gloating)
 I'm still nervous and uncertain and I don't feel compelled one way or the other
except when I feel totally and completely compelled in every way there is to be a way!
Whew.
It's exhausting, isn't it?
To have what feels like a secret [pointing to my head]in here,
 that this [pointing to my heart]
just can't work out. 
xo